Today I took the Word on Fire Institute course “7 Deadly Sins, 7 Lively Virtues”. In the course I realized that a lot of my current concerns are a result of anger. If you have read my 02/19/2026 Lenten reflection, then you have some idea what triggered my anger and wrath. Suffice it to say that my relationships have not been good or long lasting.
My parents’ divorce triggered the beginning of my anger, and unfortunately that anger often manifested while I was married. I never got wrathful towards people but my sometimes-irrational response to inanimate objects, like computers, scared my then wife. After she decided to leave and the divorce was finalized, I felt my ultimate rejection. There had to be something wrong with me. This began my time of slow descent into sloth and ennui.
This Lent has brought me to a new realization. I have forgiven my parents, who are now married again and living happily. I forgave my ex-wife as she had her own demons to deal with. I thought I had forgiven everyone involved, but I missed one person. I missed forgiving God.
Till now I did not even realize that much of my ager was addressed to God. I am mad at Him that he allowed my parents’ divorce that left me virtually fatherless growing up. The religion that I dedicated my life to, went rotten from the inside out. My marriage, the one relationship I swore I wouldn’t fail at, imploded. I gave up. I decided that, if God couldn’t bless my relationships, then why did I need Him? I rebelled. I Fell further into lustful activities and sloth. I figured if I could destroy what God had made, that would show Him.
Now I face the challenge of forgiving God. I am giving my anger to God so that I can open myself to receive the graces He has for me. I am asking for a restoration of my faith so that the zeal of the Lord can wipe out my sloth. I am asking for a clean heart so that lust will die in my relationships and I can finally achieve the dreams I have had. It’s a lot to ask for and I need all the prayers I can get.
Leave a Reply