Sadomasochism in Relationships:
What do men want in a committed relationship? If we look at modern takes on this question it would seem that men want to hurt women (in limited ways?), debase women, use women, and cheat on/have multiple women. In our modern era men are pretty nasty critters when it comes to women. In fact I have heard multiple times that women need a man like a fish needs a bicycle. Why would women want anything to do with the modern man? However, is this modern version of a man a showcase of manly desires that men truly want? Is the modern idea of what men want real or a product of societal training and pressures?
Modern Man?
First let’s look at our modern society and its influences on men. As men we are subjected to erotic images from a very young age. Video game females, movie heroines, and cartoons often feature scantily clad female characters. Most men start filling their entertainment time with these images very early in life. This often leads directly to porn consumption which warps male sexuality in extreme ways. At the same time the male sexual brain is getting twisted, women are being told that men are useless, good for nothing (even sex), and the only good way to interact with men is to use them for their resources and a convenient sex toy. This feminine perspective leaves men feeling worthless and the few times they get with women in intimate moments they have to deal with the twisting of their sexuality due to porn.
Personal Experience
Personally I have come into contact with all of the above situations. I have been struggling with much of what I talked about above. However, I recently started looking into the Catholic faith and have had the Scriptures on my mind as a result. I find it interesting that God’s only requirement for men in marriage (and relationships) is to love their wives. What does it mean to love your wife? The scriptures compare it to how Christ loves his church. Christ has total devotion to his church. He was willing to die for her. Everything He did was out of His love for God and God’s church. That is what God expects out of a man towards his wife.
This means that innately a man will not desire to behave in any of these modern ways to the woman he loves. He will not want to hurt her. He will not want to debase her. A man can only truly love a single woman as a wife, so he would have no desire for multiple women. He will be devoted to his wife for the rest of his, or her, life. So a man who violates these things and behaves in the modern way, does not truly love the woman he is relating with.
Admonition
Men this means that we must be careful. So many of us have been broken due to giving the wrong woman our heart. We pour all our love into her and the relationship, then she drops us like an inconvenient garment. Finding a woman who will stick to the relationship till death do us part can be extremely difficult. Depending on Gad and His timing can help in this process. So can religion, as many faiths put extra pressure on maintaining marriages. For devout Catholics divorce means you are deciding to be single for the rest of your life or giving up your faith as well as your marriage. Men don’t give up on finding the woman worth loving. For best results wait on the Lord, make yourself the man He calls you to be and when He brings her you will be ready.
Women, when you find that man that God brings you, do not require your husband to violate his love for you. A man does not want to hurt or disappoint the woman he loves. So what position does it leave him in if you start requesting S&M be added to your relationship. Every time your husband says yes to your sexual request of this nature, his love for you erodes. Men do not deal well with dual loyalties. The only way to respond to this situation is to start not caring. This allows the man to resolve the divided loyalties concern. So women, think carefully before you encourage non-loving interactions into your marriage, you may just be on the way to destroying what you have.
Yours truly
GJ Younger
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